- What
are the challenges for you as an online student? commendations
- How
are you going to deal with these challenges?
- What
has been your most important learning to date?
Reflection after Week
One – Education 4150
Today how I loathe that the pedagogy of reflection has ever
been discovered!! And my feelings are
definitely not related specifically to this course because it has just begun,
and I know that the instructor is incorporating a ‘best online practice’ in her
instruction. It’s just that I have been
reflecting too often – with little progress – little growth – little
change. I have spent hours and hours
completing too many assignments that I now recall little of but completed for
the ‘sake of a grade’.
Why? Initially I was ‘hungry and eager to learn’ but over time, some of the hunger changed. I now realize that I completed some assignments and learning simply to be worthy of the trust UFV gave me in providing me with an opportunity to study. They believed in me, and I don’t want to let them down – don’t want to let Sue down – don’t want to let myself down.
I have spent months and months learning about technology – about emerging technologies – about digital literacies – but at what cost? To UFV? To my family and friends? To me and my health?
Why? Initially I was ‘hungry and eager to learn’ but over time, some of the hunger changed. I now realize that I completed some assignments and learning simply to be worthy of the trust UFV gave me in providing me with an opportunity to study. They believed in me, and I don’t want to let them down – don’t want to let Sue down – don’t want to let myself down.
I have spent months and months learning about technology – about emerging technologies – about digital literacies – but at what cost? To UFV? To my family and friends? To me and my health?
Regardless, I will reflect on my thoughts these last days as I resisted yet another ‘instruction to post a reflection” about challenges and important learnings. I feel badly for my new instructor and wonder how different my feelings would be had this been my first online course? She is doing so many things ‘right’, which somehow caused me to believe that things would go easier now…and they did for the first assignment until this…another required ‘reflection’ that is creating those same disparaging emotions.
It causes me to consider how often one’s learning is necessarily
connected to a specific assignment? Is
it not all of life’s experiences, or at least some, that impact how I think,
how I react, how I approach today’s work – whether a teaching or a learning
task? That seem to impact why I do or
why I do not communicate with friends to or respond to email? I have ‘wasted’ soooo many hours this past
year, and I want the ‘wasting’ to stop…but it happened again even though I felt
ready to move on…
It is, at times, as if I become ‘frozen’ – unable to move
forward or even backward. Fighting the
silent battle between the two wolves the live within me – one desiring to
celebrate each day of learning, the other discouraging – a taunting voice
telling me that I am ‘done’ – unable to carry on –exhausted and in pain…too
weary to move on, yet not willing to abandon the task and do something
enjoyable. The battle wages-each day
between guilt and celebration …and often frozen somewhere in between. Frustrated that more has not been
accomplished while staring at a computer screen – might as well have gone for a
walk or done something useful…but not that either…simply frozen…. frustrated….
overwhelmed… guilty… and still thankful for blessings; still happy and a sort
of peace on the other hand. Strange….but
I want to complete my studies, so I continue on with yet another ‘reflection
assignment’
Challenges as an online student is the topic? What have I written about this before? What has changed in only 4 short weeks?
Challenges
of online learning
My biggest challenge with online
learning is not knowing ‘how’ to use technology effectively. Indeed, this proved to be the larger stress
in my technology classes and, too often, detracted from my ability to learn more
deeply. This
is still a challenge, but thankfully, Michelle has helped me work through
Moodle tutorials to learn the basics…but, still, it’s Moodle, and I yearn to
become more expert using Blackboard – I know how difficult it is for me to
transfer my learning to different management systems and different ‘rules’ for
what technology can and cannot be accessed.
I am 61 years old – I want to be an effective instructor for the next
few years, and I want my learning to be relevant for my learners at UFV! I sometimes felt that instructors in the
online technology classes ‘assumed’ students knew or could easily learn how to
use technology that was to be used for assignments. Ah-ha – what else resonated with me is that
learning technology is easier for me when I can follow someone guiding with
directions or with text and pictures as in a textbook… In
hindsight, it would have been much better for me if I had completed several
hands-on computer courses so that I would not be ‘fighting with technology’
while participating in the courses and could then, have been more able to
determine which tools may have been more amenable to my teaching and personal
situation.
Unfortunately, I recognize now
that my constant struggle and inability to use technological tools combined
with my frustration in trying to find a person who could ‘coach’ me (I was
willing to pay) along with my difficulty writing that required hours at my
keyboard led to carpal tunnel combined with ‘technology and on-line learning
burn-out’. . ..again I feel alienated in this course – perhaps it's because of the ongoing enrollment – there is some discussion, but not
much. Yet, we are expected to post and
learn from colleagues…not really working too well at this point, but I will
continue to post and read….
Furthermore, my motivation to
complete the courses has switched from being intrinsic—which was my desire to
learn more about technology combined with a belief that doing so would help me
be a more effective online instructor—to extrinsic motivation—in knowing that
if I don’t complete my courses, I will not only ‘fail’ the classes, but I will
have to let my supervisor and others know.
I
notice the motivation switches; sometimes daily! Intrinsic when doing readings and thinking about my own courses, and
then the ‘freeze’ when required to complete an assignment…eager to move to next
learning but frozen due to assignment requirement. Hmmm….how will I help learners with
this? We’ve talked about this before,
but perhaps this as important to research as is online versus face-to-face….
Because
I love learning, the ‘burden’ of doing assignments for a grade is foreign for me. I wonder
if some of my experiences are similar to that of other online learners and
whether this may be one reason retention tends to be much lower in online
classes than in face-to-face classes. I
now have nightmares about my inability to complete assignments, and I am
questioning whether I ought to continue.
Still
nightmares. Yet for a day, I even thought I might create a video rather than write a paper…unfortunately, the ‘not
knowing how’ got in the way….I want to, yet I also wonder if the
effort and time will make the difference I am hoping for in terms of being a
better instructor.
I
also wonder if my energy would be better spent developing courses, being
available to help others, sending out notes of encouragement as I once did, and
simply using that time for informal learning which I have always enjoyed and I
am disciplined enough to complete. I
currently feel like my entire ‘being’ is consumed with online learning. Is there a new way to deal with
these challenges? Am I too worn to
continue? Should I take a break? I will complete this course and then re-evaluate. As well, I have asked Michelle to keep me ‘on
course’ as much as possible: for me to
not spend inordinate amounts of time on assignments; to not ‘worry’ so much
about getting a perfect grade…so, I won’t edit this reflection, but, instead, I
will continue with my next assignment.
Summary
posted in discussion forum – April 21, 2015
I have a quandary about learner motivation. (I once wrote a paper
about motivation and have been keenly aware of the dance between intrinsic and extrinsic
motivation for myself and learners.) Today, I recognized that my own
'motivation for learning' has been switching between the two as I take online
courses. This is not a reflection that necessarily comes from week one in this
course, per se, but it is the result of months of online learning that somehow
came together as musing about the challenges of online learning…Sorry for the
long post – but it ties together different thoughts…
I become frustrated when I can't work with technology ...and then it happens…I seem to ‘freeze’ …or is 'the voice'
again taunting me with self-doubt and loathing at my inability to grasp the
nuances of technology? Suddenly, I am aware of a 'switch' from
intrinsic motivation—as my desire to know 'how to do' becomes too
overwhelming—to extrinsic motivation—in knowing that doing the assignment is a
'means to an end' for me. I am not convinced the 'extra work' will
increase my learning enough in the moment, so I shift to a path less resistant
to get the assignment done simply so I can move on with the course and return
to 'intrinsic love of learning' in the next module! I am an oxymoron when
it comes to my own learning goals!
This causes me
to consider how often one’s learning is necessarily connected to a specific
assignment? Do not many, or at least some, of life’s experiences together
in concert, impact how I think, how I react, how I approach today’s work –
whether a teaching or a learning task? Hmmm….how often do learners struggle
with an assignment? What roadblocks do they face? In an online course,
will they recognize underlying reasons for resistance - whether they be the
technology, hesitancy to post to a discussion forum or other? In f2f
relationships, I am more easily aware of learning ‘resistance’…or ‘freeze’ and
it is something we can work on – often understanding the ‘why’ helps learners
move forward. But, how do we recognize this in an online class, and how
do we help learners move forward?
While many online course outlines state that ‘basic
knowledge of technology is important for success in this online course', might it be helpful to provide a self-assessment for learners to
determine whether they really are able to handle the technological aspects in
an online classroom? How do we help them forward when 'their own voices'
threaten to undermine them? In a blended class, I can ‘demonstrate’ or
meet with a student to work through these barriers. I can’t help but feel a new
concern for online learners who may struggle similarly to continue 'dancing'--too often within their own world--even though an instructor employs
best practices: group work, discussions, being present, etc.
Is the 'motivational dance' one you also wrestle with in an
online learning forum? How do you manage to 'dance on' regardless?
Still wondering...
Jan
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